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Karmic Ride

The new year started with a ride of awareness and self acceptance. I went snowmobiling on the 2nd of January, 2021 in Whistler. Hamid, from the 2019 teacher training, invited me and I was excited for it. He had some extra gear, like pants and gloves for winter sport, which I was grateful for.

It was a fabulous start to the new year to help me see how I drive my car, snowmobile or karma. This ride was a beautiful reminder to be further authentic with my emotions and to receive support.

Being Real

My guide Stanley was Goddess sent. He stopped as I was behind him on this heavy machine, walked up to me and asked me how I was. I said I was nervous as I was just getting used to the accelerator, visibility was very low due to the pouring rain, my goggles were fogged up and I was concerned the two men behind me would feel bored with my slow pace.

Reminder To Not Be Too Concerned About Others, Yet Care

Stan reassured me that this ride was about me and we continued. As we came to a turn I slowed down again and, once more, he took the time to check. I told him the same concerns. I also realised that if I manoeuvred wrongly then I would either be in a ditch or fly off a cliff. Both did not seem like great options. Not to mention banging into a snowmobile on the opposite side.

I did not voice that, as I did not want to throw another set of fears on Stan, so kept it short and said, “still nervous and concerned if I am too slow for the men behind me.”

Hamid was behind me and then another couple behind him shared one snowmobile where the guy was driving. I wanted to drive, I wanted to steer my course. I was not averse to a man driving my snowmobile and me sitting behind. It was Just that his path would need to work well with mine and be connected to the divine. That meant I would navigate my fears and charter my course without the advantage of the extra testosterone for now.

Thankfully we were a small group. Stan got that I cared about the experience of those behind me and called in another guide so that the couple could go with him at their own happy pace. I offered to Hamid that he could join them too but he decided to stay.

A Break Can Help Integrate And Reset

We had a break at a cabin, after parting ways, where we had hot apple cider, dried our gloves over a fire and warmed up. Some lovely ladies there made us feel at home and I could have stayed in the warmth longer. One was from England, the other from Ontario, Hamid from Iran and all of them had grown up with snow. Not me coming from south India near the tropics. I was not into skiing or any winter sport. My body was grappling with all of this new stimuli. In yoga practice the breaks between asana and the shava asana allow for integration and reset. We can then move to new levels of compassion and self-awareness through this restfulness. This new level of restfulness is important to keep enjoying our karmic wash.

Post Break Speedy Gonzales

Post break my body was acclimatised as I gave it permission to feel what it was feeling - to not be afraid of being afraid. Knowing I trusted my guide gave me permission to slow down in the beginning. Stan saw I was following him well in the second half so he started going fast and I was keeping pace easily and enjoying myself.

For those who are not familiar, Speedy Gonzales is a Mexican cartoon rat that goes very fast. I did not realise Hamid was finding it difficult to keep pace with me. He later exclaimed that I went from, “going like an ant,” in the beginning, to, “zooming” in the second half of the day!

Don't Rush and Crash

In the second part of the wilderness ride, Stan stopped and showed us a private snowmobile in a ditch. He said, "This is what happens when we do not listen to our comfort levels or want the thrill of speed." That was another reassurance for listening to my body when I started off.

This is what I tell students not only in class but also when I see them with impulse control and regulation issues. To not rush the program, that it will only stress them out more and that anger that arises from not honouring their fear will either be internalised, thrown on the closest unsuspecting person or the one giving feedback. Most listen, yet the ones who need it the most will hide behind the facade of knowing it all and being able to do it all.

Slowing Down Helps Us To Speed Up

I have used this line a lot in my program descriptions. I mention why the practices are gentle, mindful and slow in the beginning. Why slowing down is necessary to integrate. Why taking the time helps us see our unconscious patterns and shine the light of awareness on them. When seeing those patterns, we make an internal shift from judging to discerning. Why slowing down consciously is a necessary phase to start to savour being and doing. I had seen that play out in just two hours of my snowmobile ride. I was very grateful to receive energetically from Stan what I share with those teaching their first class or processing pain from the past. That it is ok to be nervous or scared. His patient and present masculinity moved me.

Authentic Communication Builds Connection And Clarity, Not Chaos

Had I not told Stan that I was nervous, concerned, and hence cautious, I would have sent him confusing messages. My body language was clearly stressed, I felt it. Thankfully I knew how to breathe through it so I felt better. By sharing, we are allowing the person to see us and not be afraid of them seeing our humanness. If they judge us then it is their problem. What prevents us from showing our humanness is inner judgement wired into us through upbringing. We can then end up projecting the cause of fear onto the other and blame the other and throw a tantrum rather than communicating coherently. I could have been standoffish with Stan because I was unable to come to grips with my body's limitations as well as the adrenaline running through and possibly started a cycle of dysfunctional communication. I have witnessed people getting into a power struggle when they are scared.

I thanked him, expressed how patient he was, and reciprocated the care he gave me by giving him a rave review on TripAdvisor ( he had mentioned that would add to his points). This reciprocity is the hallmark of mature interdependent relationships. And it takes two to tango.

It Takes A Lot Of Energy To Herd The Pack

Stan was tired and said it takes a lot of energy to be a guide. He was lying down by the fire after our ride as I sat and wrote his review. I remembered my classes. What if he had one or two who fought him, were stressed or were mean. Though curious, I never asked because he was resting. I already knew the answer. That it was going to be more exhausting and chaotic to try to accommodate and harmonise. And the more self-absorbed the ones in the group, or competitive, the more they will put down others. If the teacher has to set boundaries then the guide also will not be spared.

Prayers For Those Whose Emotions Were Not Validated As A Child

I have had situations where I knew a student was stressed and gave them lenience. Yet when they are unwilling to acknowledge it, due to being shamed by a parent or having ingrained conditioning to always look strong, they are in a self-sabotaging pattern. It is their role to reparent themselves, and some may just need more time. Yet these people are often the very ones who will not allow for that integration time and want to seem like supermen or superwomen. They rush things even when I give them feedback to slow down.

The more the facade of being above one's humanness, the more a person either breaks down, blames or becomes a bully. To truly be superhuman we need to fully embrace our humanness. Though I repeatedly say this in class, sometimes it might take years for it to land, which is also fine. When we fully embrace our humanness, we truly have nothing to hide and therefore no shame. We can see our resistance to new things, our overwhelm and our fears and own it. Then we can pace ourselves accordingly. This is a big step in karmic cleansing. If we do not deal with our emotions, by hiding behind platitudes (a remark or statement, especially one with a moral content, that has been used too often to be interesting or thoughtful) when we are stressed or reacting, we are only fooling ourselves and not allowing our humanness to be held by us. Then we create a vicious cycle of inauthenticity and pretence rather than owning our stuff. This will surely lead to breakdown in communication and relationships.

To varying degrees all of us have not been validated or allowed to be vulnerable. Yet we deal with it differently. So let us start on this path of karmic cleansing by validating those vulnerable parts of ourselves that need tenderness and care and take ownership for our aggressiveness. Let us reparent ourselves and learn to regulate. Let us come together in respectful and loving ways, even if it is online for now. It is not an easy journey to unravel the mind but very satisfying :) As we unravel it we cleanse it from the fog of unawareness into freedom or Moksha.